Empowering Coaches and Leaders Through Reflective Practices that Increase Awareness, Choice and Increased Range of Action
By Karen White
Introduction
As Stephen Covey is known for saying, “Begin with the End in mind”, so here we go. For most of us, most of the time, we live most of our life on automatic pilot and fall into ways of thinking, doing, acting and being. The good thing about it is that we are not continuously expending effort thinking about our every action and choice. This can work for us in many circumstances, especially when life is going well and we feel in harmony with life and others. The not so good part of this is that we can fall asleep to ourselves and get stuck in not so helpful habits and patterns of behaving, and even though we recognise a stuckness we don’t know how or what to change.
The Failure of Focusing on Results
A prevalent blind spot in our cultures is that we tend to focus on external actions and behaviours while overlooking the significance of paying attention to what is happening within us. An example of this would be someone who has time management issues. They look at their actions and behaviours and how they can change using various strategies, techniques, and procedures. The person, may for example, learn new time management techniques or strategies to organize their tasks better. They try tools like to-do lists, calendars, or prioritization matrices to manage their workload. This can be useful in some instances, however, you may recognise in this illustration that it has the person focusing on behaviour and also on external solutions from others they can adopt. While this has its uses it also has its limitations, as anyone of us who has ever made a new year’s resolution can attest to.
Focusing in this way is what is called first-order learning, which is when we pay attention to behaviour, communication and maybe even relationships with others. The focus is on the results we want, what we are doing or not doing to produce those results, and looking for known solutions. We typically look to someone else, an expert or authority, for various strategies and techniques. It is an important and valid form of learning, one that we engage in continually. It can produce change and improvement and yet as mentioned it has its limitations, and can have us doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I didn’t say it, someone famous called Einstein did! In an era of constant change and disruption, merely relying on this approach may fall short of addressing the continual demand for ongoing learning and adaptation to cope and thrive in an ever-changing world.
Going back to the example of someone wanting to improve their time management, perhaps there are some gains focusing on the tools and techniques. And yet the person will often still find themselves challenged, and maybe even frustrated and disappointed, with not being able to implement the changes they want, eventually reverting back to old, unhelpful patterns as a result. What is going on here? How come it isn’t a case of simply changing behaviour? Surely we should be able to will ourselves into doing things differently. Not so fast, clearly!
Where are Power Is
Coming back to the beginning, and those patterns of thinking, acting and doing, what sits below those patterns is who we are being at a given moment in time. We all have a Way of Being, which can be summed up as who and how we are in the moment, which is informed by who and how we have been in the past, and all the experiences and learning we have knowingly and unknowingly engaged in throughout our lives.
Staying with the example of time management, perhaps the person struggling hasn’t thought deeply about the interpretations they are living in. It could be that they don’t feel like they are worthy of asking for what they want and that other people are more important to them, so they do what is asked of them without questioning this habit and pattern. Perhaps their need for belonging means they don’t say, or even realise what is important to them, and keep saying yes to the many requests made of them. They may even listen to those requests as demands that they couldn’t possibly say no to! They may not ever have thought about what matters deeply to them and aligned their actions and commitments accordingly. Not small matters!
Taking some to examine what’s really going on, they begin to have the possibility and options to shift the attitudes and perceptions driving their behaviour. In doing so spontaneously they can begin to align their time and effort with their deeper commitments and what really matters to and for them. In addition to spending their time in a more intentional and fulfilling way, their relationship to themselves can be altered as well, since the fundamental view they have of themselves changes and they begin to treat themselves as worthy.
Our Way of Being
What we are up to here is second order learning, which enables us to explore our Way of Being, the driver of our behaviour and communication. Our Way of Being is made up of Language including our inner conversation, Emotions and Moods, and our Physiology. More often than not our Way of Being, and our perceptions and attitudes are out of awareness, and when we want to implement a new behaviour we can’t because there is something in our Way of Being that is preventing us from making the change we want. By growing awareness of our Way of Being we are able to learn what helps and hinders us, not just in achieving the results we want and meeting our goals, wants, needs and commitments, but in a way that also provides more meaning, satisfaction and fulfilment in life.
So, there’s a fair bit in that, and the challenge we have is how to pay attention both to our Way of Being and the behaviour that immediately goes with that. Having new ways to observe with the help of a coach, partner, teacher or mentor opens up possibilities immediately. And having ways to continue to do so in the absence of another person gives us the best chance of being able to self-observe, self-regulate, and self-generate. This is where practices become the key that continues to open the door to shifting our Way of Being.
Self-Observations, Exercises, Reflections and Practices
The power of self-observations, exercises, reflections, and practices lies in their ability to facilitate deep, lasting learning, change, and growth. Self-observations cultivate awareness, allowing us to recognize patterns in our thoughts, emotions, physiology, and behaviours, creating a foundation for intentional change. Exercises provide practical ways to experiment with new perspectives and actions, reinforcing learning through direct experience. Reflections enable a deeper understanding of these experiences, helping to internalize insights and integrate them into our Way of Being. Finally, consistent practices anchor these changes, turning new insights into lasting habits and supporting ongoing personal and professional development. Together, these elements create a powerful, holistic approach to integration and transformation, allowing us to tap into our unrealised potential, enhancing results, and being a pathway to greater fulfilment and more purposeful living.
The Coaches Library takes 20 years of learning and working with others and offers a tailored and integrated set of exercises, reflections, and practices designed for personal and professional growth in different areas of life. They are essential pathways to mastering life, leadership, and learning, and offer lasting personal development. By engaging with these processes, we can move beyond surface-level understanding and reflexive action, and develop new interpretations that serve us, and take powerful action in key areas of life we want to enhance. The practices offer a structured yet flexible approach to growth, allowing for continuous refinement and integration of new insights. In essence, they are the vehicles through which a person can achieve deep alignment with core values, greater self-awareness, and the ability to be ongoing learners within their own unique contexts.
Designed with Coaches and Clients at the Centre
At the heart of this journey and offer are the amazing coaches and leaders I’ve had the pleasure of working and learning with. I wanted the work we did together to continue beyond our conversations and to support people to have ways of observing themselves that could offer in the moment and ongoing learning. I kept looking at how to offer uncomplicated and elegant practices that have development at the core, and that simply require a way of observing that can bring about change without over-exerting.
My journey from the corporate world to coaching revealed a need for tools that foster genuine transformation as the “Just Do It” slogan didn’t seem to apply in most areas of leading and life!
Each category in The Human Connection Store is tailored to different aspects of growth for coaches and clients alike. The categories are:
Designing Your Life: Tools to help a person align their life with their core values and aspirations.
Languaging the Future: Ways to use language as a powerful tool for shaping reality and creating possibilities.
Emotional Mastery: Resource(s) to enhance emotional intelligence, crucial for decision-making and relationships.
Tapping into the Wisdom of the Body: Embodiment practice(s) that connect each person to their body’s innate wisdom, and to be able to tap into for their holistic well-being.
Influential Leadership: Developing leadership skills that inspire and drive change within organizations.
Coaching Mastery: Advanced resources for coaches committed to achieving excellence and long-term growth. *
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These categories offer pathways to enhanced understanding and greater effectiveness for coaches and leaders alike.
The Impact of Coaching on Leadership Development
Coaching is particularly beneficial for leadership development, enhancing managers' abilities to drive change, manage ambiguity, and lead teams effectively. Reflective practices enable leaders to critically and be able to assess not just what they do, but how they do it, leading to transformative learning and new perspectives. This kind of learning is essential in today’s complex global environment, where leaders must think critically, innovate, and collaborate. When leaders engage in reflective practices about their Way of Being and leadership, they slow down and are able to better engage in actions that enable them to enhance the quality of their relationships and focus.
In Closing
I’ve often been asked when I’m going to write a book. While that seems to be a worthwhile endeavour, and perhaps something for the future, for now I’ve realised that my passion is in the art of practicing in life. A big part of that is helping others to practice in life and supporting them to do so in a way that allows them to wake up to patterns and habits that are limiting them, and to do so in a way that is kind, friendly and expansive.
While these practices were designed for coaches to use with their clients, they are for anyone and everyone who wants to expand their capacity, learn and develop, not just new skills, but a Way of Being that enables them to live with more freedom, choice and fulfilment.
For more information, have a look here:
And if you would like to be in touch please contact me at shop@thehumanconnection.co.za
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